They're everywhere, most prominently in movies and books. You have your hero who must take down a drug lord, kill the evil wizard, slay the mighty dragon, save the world... and have sex.
Yes, you read that right. He or she must, by any means necessary, get laid. Someone of the hero's opposite gender must wander in, eyelashes fluttering or abs flexing, and automatically spark the lust of our doomed hero. Never mind if it has nothing to do with the plot. Never mind if it derails it. Never mind if it is useless, stupid, contrived, or just plain disgusting.
Now don't misunderstand. I loved The Time Traveler's Wife. I loved PS., I Love You. I loved every sweet moment of every romance story. No, I'm talking about movies like The Sorcerer's Apprentice, The Oxford Murders, even that damn movie Piranha. These movies don't need, benefit from, and are entirely ruined by their romance subplots.
The Sorcerer's Apprentice: the hero is a young college guy who is chosen by fate, destiny, and the gods, along with Nicolas Cage's stern voice, to save the world. The hero dons the cape and... tries to get laid. Who cares about the world? He wants to put it all on hold so he can bang a girl older than he is and take her on dates and put her and everyone else in danger so he can get rid of some serious blue balls. Nice.
Piranha: admit it, the movie was cheesy and you liked it. The hero finds himself surrounded by hungry, hungry man-eating piranhas! He with his girlfriend in a boat underwater and time is running out! Surely he will waste no time in getting THE HELL OUT OF THERE. Right after giving her a romantic kiss, because everyone knows he's got all the time in the world as long as it contributes to a romance subplot.
The Oxford Murders: this one really got to me. Right off the bat the hero meets a girl, and right off the bat someone dies. Now there's murders going off left and right and the hero must solve the mystery. Of course, there's time for solving serial killer puzzles and a time for sex. So we're treated to a lovely shot of a girl wearing nothing but an apron, her fat ass in full glory for everyone to see, and then proceeds to have sex while dropping spaghetti over him.
First of all I hate spaghetti. My mom would cook it all the time and I can't stand the smell. I almost threw up with this disgusting scene. And let me tell you what she contributed to the plot; nothing. Seriously. She was there and then was gone. What was her purpose? Just a romance subplot.
Why do we have these things? To show how compassionate and human our hero is? Why? Show it in other ways. Give him a buddy. Match him or her up with a family member, a brother, a woman he's not immediately infatuated with. Show it in actions, not a lot of useless cuddling and sweet nothings murmured as you're getting devoured by zombies. Is it to add suspense? Bullshit. Unless it's a romance movie, you've got suspense in Godzilla or a runaway train or countless other sources, and the romance is just a distraction. An unwanted distraction.
Now with almost every movie and almost every book, there's got to be some kind of romance subplot. Get rid of them. Stop it. If it needs sex, make the first scene have the hero and his or her special friend boning, and then let me enjoy the rest of the damn movie.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
How to: Ignore user
This is a guide for anyone that doesn't know how to add a user to their ignore list. The ignore list is a handy feature that can solve a lot of inter-personal problems, as a person annoying you can go on your list and you never have to worry about reading their posts again. Ignore the trolls and leeches. Happy ignoring, Valucre!
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Tangled -- 8 / 10
| Maker - Disney
| Rating - G, most likely
| Synopsis - It's the story of Rapunzel, all over again. With an interesting twist that she's been grounded for ... oh, life. Evil "mother" finds a flower that extends her life if she sings to it, and the Queen of the land is dying -- out of fear for his unborn child and wife, the King cries out and the town goes to work searching for a miraculous golden flower that has healing powers. Evil mother tries to hide it, fails miserably, and thus -- the family is saved, but then the daughter is stolen! OhSnap!
Who knew that if you healed the wife, the kid would get awesome ever-growing hair that could never be cut and was so strong, she could use it like a bull whip, swing from stuff, and even tie people up! Right, how many little girls aren't going to cut their hair now... poor parents.
| Pros - Disney has finally found it's way back to the original classics, having floundered for SO long without their Disney Princess/Kids movie careers in check. After that evil crap they pulled with that voodoo creepster movie (it's currently 5:57am and I can't remember the title - their last film out that was animated), they haven't been on par with Beauty and the Beast, Mulan, or even close to epics like Sword in the Stone and Fox and the Hound.
This movie had it all. Humor. Cutesy-ness. Amusement. AND -- sing a longs that we all loved and enjoyed as kids. Finally, a Disney flick worth taking your kids to.
| Cons - It seemed to drag on a bit, but maintained the Disney short-and-sweet experience, even still. I know how I am, and with a mild case of insanity and A.D.D., this film had be sitting on my hands, for fear of staring at my watch. Although ... I am old. Lol. /le shrug/
| Exciting Note - The horse is awesome! I want one.
| Zenith's Approval Rating - A solid 8 / 10
Writing With Eachother - A Template for Successful Roleplay
As one of the official Chosen Tournament judges, I've overseen a fair share of T1 matches. One of the most difficult things to do when issuing a judgment is trying to figure out what's actually going on. This is due to the contradictions and paradoxes that occur when two players are writing against each other, something I'll get into in a moment. Because of the difficulty in understanding fights, we often ask the participants to supply us with a detailed list of actions that have occurred up to the contested point. Oftentimes, we find that the timelines don't even match. Why is this and what is going wrong?
This doesn't just happen in T1. A trend I've noticed among certain roleplayers is that they tend to write against each other as opposed to with. This, I think, is due to two reasons:
1. Ego - players want to be at the center of plots, so they're constantly fighting to be the center of attention. This also leads to a lack of accommodation, which can cause a clash of style.
2. Minimal Communication - This is especially noticeable in T1 matches. Players who frequently communicate seem to have the best synergy. If you know where the plot is headed and have a good idea of everything that is going on, you can make your post better integrate with the plot.
I know many people pride themselves on their writing and look at roleplay as a sort of writing exercise. This is good and a sentiment that should be facilitated and supported by the community. The problem lies in the fact that most threads read like a broken mash-up of events that seem to make little or no sense.
How is it fixed?
I don't have a sure-fire way to address the problem presented above, but I do have a few tips that may help those that wish to improve their literary relationship with other writers.
My first recommendation is to obviously drop the ego and communicate with your partners more. This should come as no surprise given the fact that I mentioned both of this issues above.
My second recommendation is to agree on the flow of time between posts with your partner. My intention here is to address the several temporal paradoxes that seem to arise when players fail to take time into consideration. If you're not involved in competitive roleplaying, it is advisable to give each player a certain amount of "IC" time with which they can play. Their post should be focused on their character's actions, but it can also address certain things that your character is doing.
The final idea I wanted to share has to do with the distribution of responsibilities. What I mean by this is that, in any given thread, you'll often find that a certain player takes on the responsibility of painting the setting, while another might describe major non-player actions. I feel that, for the flow of the thread, that it's important to share these responsibilities. The first post should always set the scene, but there is always more that can be described. Additionally, players can take turns controlling NPCs so to optimize the flow of dialogue and action. This, in my opinion, will provide the largest increase in synergy.
Leave some comments and tell me what you think!
This doesn't just happen in T1. A trend I've noticed among certain roleplayers is that they tend to write against each other as opposed to with. This, I think, is due to two reasons:
1. Ego - players want to be at the center of plots, so they're constantly fighting to be the center of attention. This also leads to a lack of accommodation, which can cause a clash of style.
2. Minimal Communication - This is especially noticeable in T1 matches. Players who frequently communicate seem to have the best synergy. If you know where the plot is headed and have a good idea of everything that is going on, you can make your post better integrate with the plot.
I know many people pride themselves on their writing and look at roleplay as a sort of writing exercise. This is good and a sentiment that should be facilitated and supported by the community. The problem lies in the fact that most threads read like a broken mash-up of events that seem to make little or no sense.
How is it fixed?
I don't have a sure-fire way to address the problem presented above, but I do have a few tips that may help those that wish to improve their literary relationship with other writers.
My first recommendation is to obviously drop the ego and communicate with your partners more. This should come as no surprise given the fact that I mentioned both of this issues above.
My second recommendation is to agree on the flow of time between posts with your partner. My intention here is to address the several temporal paradoxes that seem to arise when players fail to take time into consideration. If you're not involved in competitive roleplaying, it is advisable to give each player a certain amount of "IC" time with which they can play. Their post should be focused on their character's actions, but it can also address certain things that your character is doing.
The final idea I wanted to share has to do with the distribution of responsibilities. What I mean by this is that, in any given thread, you'll often find that a certain player takes on the responsibility of painting the setting, while another might describe major non-player actions. I feel that, for the flow of the thread, that it's important to share these responsibilities. The first post should always set the scene, but there is always more that can be described. Additionally, players can take turns controlling NPCs so to optimize the flow of dialogue and action. This, in my opinion, will provide the largest increase in synergy.
Leave some comments and tell me what you think!
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Merger + 100K break
Paragon, a roleplay forum owned and administrated by the user Sorano on Valucre, has joined the fray! Come and celebrate the successful merger of Paragon and Valucre. Also, thanks to the merger of Paragon and Valucre, we have tipped over the 100K post line. Celebrate that too!
Valucre's merger with Paragon.
Valucre's merger with Paragon.
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