Shrek Forever After -- 6 / 10

It's amazing what can be accomplished when you follow a script -- right, Meyers? It's no secret that Mike Meyers, while being a funny-man, has a bit of an issue with "ad-libbing" his scripts, which I [personally] tack to the failing fall of the Austin Powers series. The first was Lolerific and amazing, and down-hill from there. But we're not here to discuss that, we're here to discuss a ... hopefully ending trilogy quadilogy.

Honestly, I swear -- I just changed the title cause I thought this was shrek 3. LOL!

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0892791/

So. The movie was actually pretty funny, but I wouldn't go all out and scream it to the world. The first was still my favorite so far, and the second/third whichever-- sucked. I don't think I even saw the third one, lol. I don't remember, I don't know -- but I felt this movie was good enough to throw-down on a quick review.

Ha - my bad. I stopped to watch the Season of the Witch trailer, as you'll most likely get a review for this coming Friday, but that goes to show how much I really cared about this film, lol.

Synopsis: Rumpelstiltskin or however the hell it's spelled, is back at his trickery again and originally tried to magically deed the entire kingdom to himself, by blackmailing the king and queen of Ever After. Yadda, yadda - he tricks Shrek and then the adventure begins!

Pros: Uhm, I suppose the plus would have to be the funnies. The world is switched around and Witches and Rumpel now run things, which is full of lols, and now apparently there are more ogres? Yeah, I know - wtf. Shrek is suddenly not as special as he once was. Lol. Way to go, DreamFail. =/

Cons: Uhm ... it's like the 4th or 5th one now? And they're not getting any funnier. Lol. The first was the best.

Over-all: Netflix. And I've lowered the rating twice since I started writing this review. Lmfao... Don't let all the negativity fool you. It's a kids movie, and it's pretty amusing.

Tron Legacy -- 7.5 / 10

Before people go questioning my rating, I have to say that taking in all the factors and the true-fact that this movie is made by Disney, you can't expect to be totally satisfied. Now if Legendary Pictures or James Cameron got a hold of Tron: Legacy, I'm almost guaranteed the rating would have been higher and for a solid purpose, than this fluffy 7.5 I've given it.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1104001/

Well, let us begin! I have to start by saying Garret Hedlund and Olivia Wilde in the same film is worth at least a 6 / 10, and that's not suggesting that it's a porno, hahHAHhah! They really end up making the film excellent, and then the Daft Punk soundtrack, added to the graphics really send this movie up ... 1.5 points on the Zenith-scale of sexy.

Synopsis: The movie is about a man in the 80s, who's brilliant and creates this "game world" that turns out to be different than anything else before, but he vanishes. Gone. For twenty-some years, and suddenly, traces of him seem to be noted and the adventure for his son begins. To find his missing father.

Pros: The graphics are ... orgasmically gorgeous. The motorcycles. The jets. The world itself. It's a wonderful, and exciting adventure -- the world is beautiful. Olivia Wilde. She's beautiful. She's fun. And she can act. Sounds like my kinda woman! Lol. >_> @ -hides from his wife-

Cons: The Jeff Bridges graphical "Clu." REALLY, DISNEY?! A multi-f@#kin' BAZILLION dollar company, and you can't beat the graphics of Mass Effect or Final Fantasy XIV?! This is the SOLE reason, the movie wont make it above an 8.0 rating. Because of these cheap bastards and their fear of actually making a movie that might not have a happy ending.

The story was lacking, however - boy goes into world. Tries to save dad. Bad guy kicks some ass. You can't really develop a story around this... Lol.

Over-all: The movie was rated higher than it should be, because of great actors, because of beautiful graphics, and because the movie is awe-inspiring, however it left you wanting to see way more of the bikes and jets. Lol. Therefore, the 7.5 / 10 is deemed "fluffy."

True Grit -- 7.5 / 10

Merry Christmas, everyone! It's your lovely neighborhood Zenith again, here to drop you a line on some of the movies that have come up during the past week or so, and as promised -- I've got your reviews! =]

So, let us begin!

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1403865/

So, for those looking at this movie and going, 'Oh, no way -- you can't replace the Duke!' I have mixed feelings on that phrase. Let's be perfectly clear on one thing: I respect John Wayne for his bad-assery, however his acting skills were a little ... hnm ... sub-par? Lol. Sure, he could be a bad-ass and shoot shit, but this is the era where acting talent is taken into account, not just the story. (See the Crash of Narnia, if you want a clear understanding of what I'm talking about. Lol.)

Jeff Bridges did an excellent job, and the movie was supposed to be geared at the book, not as a remake to another movie. Seeing him in this film, after having seen Tron, or Iron Man -- you'd have a hard time believing it was the same guy -- and that's the acting talent. I feel he did a really good job, and the movie had great excitement and laughs at his expense, as well.

Synopsis: Well, basically -- this girl's father is killed in an unfair transaction (she feels), and goes to claim his body and hire on a gun to find or kill the man responsible. She's a little shit and a total spitfire with a tongue that delivers lashings all throughout the film in the most brutal of manners.

And the hunt begins!

Pros: The new girl, Haliee Steinfeld -- nearly stole the show, if not did. I've never seen her in anything before this, but as a phenomenal role completed, I'm sure we'll be seeing her in plenty of new movies to come. She's sharp and seems to gather up the and be the role, better than most "child actors."

Sadly, that's really the only Pro I can list. Maybe throw out a pseudo-Pro, that this the first western I've liked in a while, lol. Since 3:10 to Yuma. <3

>> Edit: There is another pro that I just thought of, lol. Barry Pepper. I love this guy. I don't know what it is, but his characters are always so on-point an intricate that he ALWAYS seems to fit his roles, and he has that face that just melds into the part. <3 Much love.

Cons: Some of you might hate me for this, and don't get me wrong, I like Matt Damon, but ... he was the worst part of this film for me. After fanboying over the Bourne Series, and even Green Zone, I kinda enjoyed. But man ... I love the guy, but he's just a terrible western-style character. Lol. I don't know what it was, but his Texan accent was off, his character was funny and amusing, but ... oyie. Made me wanna get bit by a rattlesnake...

Over-All: I wouldn't recommend it to be seen in theaters, personally -- but that's my bias talking. It was a very well-done movie, but just not ... meh. 7.5 / 10

Romance Sideplots

They're everywhere, most prominently in movies and books. You have your hero who must take down a drug lord, kill the evil wizard, slay the mighty dragon, save the world... and have sex.

Yes, you read that right. He or she must, by any means necessary, get laid. Someone of the hero's opposite gender must wander in, eyelashes fluttering or abs flexing, and automatically spark the lust of our doomed hero. Never mind if it has nothing to do with the plot. Never mind if it derails it. Never mind if it is useless, stupid, contrived, or just plain disgusting.

Now don't misunderstand. I loved The Time Traveler's Wife. I loved PS., I Love You. I loved every sweet moment of every romance story. No, I'm talking about movies like The Sorcerer's Apprentice, The Oxford Murders, even that damn movie Piranha. These movies don't need, benefit from, and are entirely ruined by their romance subplots.

The Sorcerer's Apprentice: the hero is a young college guy who is chosen by fate, destiny, and the gods, along with Nicolas Cage's stern voice, to save the world. The hero dons the cape and... tries to get laid. Who cares about the world? He wants to put it all on hold so he can bang a girl older than he is and take her on dates and put her and everyone else in danger so he can get rid of some serious blue balls. Nice.

Piranha: admit it, the movie was cheesy and you liked it. The hero finds himself surrounded by hungry, hungry man-eating piranhas! He with his girlfriend in a boat underwater and time is running out! Surely he will waste no time in getting THE HELL OUT OF THERE. Right after giving her a romantic kiss, because everyone knows he's got all the time in the world as long as it contributes to a romance subplot.

The Oxford Murders: this one really got to me. Right off the bat the hero meets a girl, and right off the bat someone dies. Now there's murders going off left and right and the hero must solve the mystery. Of course, there's time for solving serial killer puzzles and a time for sex. So we're treated to a lovely shot of a girl wearing nothing but an apron, her fat ass in full glory for everyone to see, and then proceeds to have sex while dropping spaghetti over him.

First of all I hate spaghetti. My mom would cook it all the time and I can't stand the smell. I almost threw up with this disgusting scene. And let me tell you what she contributed to the plot; nothing. Seriously. She was there and then was gone. What was her purpose? Just a romance subplot.

Why do we have these things? To show how compassionate and human our hero is? Why? Show it in other ways. Give him a buddy. Match him or her up with a family member, a brother, a woman he's not immediately infatuated with. Show it in actions, not a lot of useless cuddling and sweet nothings murmured as you're getting devoured by zombies. Is it to add suspense? Bullshit. Unless it's a romance movie, you've got suspense in Godzilla or a runaway train or countless other sources, and the romance is just a distraction. An unwanted distraction.

Now with almost every movie and almost every book, there's got to be some kind of romance subplot. Get rid of them. Stop it. If it needs sex, make the first scene have the hero and his or her special friend boning, and then let me enjoy the rest of the damn movie.

How to: Ignore user

This is a guide for anyone that doesn't know how to add a user to their ignore list. The ignore list is a handy feature that can solve a lot of inter-personal problems, as a person annoying you can go on your list and you  never have to worry about reading their posts again. Ignore the trolls and leeches. Happy ignoring, Valucre!