The Tourist -- 9 / 10

Being that this movie has Johnny Depp in it, it's almost instantly pushing a 5.0 rating, although that Public Enemy movie barely pulled that, just because he was in it. With this said, I believe his name -- lemme check... Ahh, Paul Bettany. I love this guy. <3 He's seriously one of my favorite actors, because he's always playing a STRONG secondary, much like Barry Pepper. <3

Anyways -- the movie! And why it got such a high rating!

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1243957/

Well then, let us begin! The movie is twisted. It's got you thinking and you're always looking for who the bad guy is! It's so confusing. And so much fun trying to find it, and you're laughing the entire way through. It's extremely well done and in the end, you'll probably figure out what's going on, and then lose your way moments later.

Never sure until it hits you. <3

Synopsis: I can't say much without giving too much. Jolie's under surveillance and planning on meeting up with "Alexander" -- an old love, that stole a LOT from a gangster, who wants him dead. OOHHHMAN! Let the confusion begin!

Pros: Depp is hysterical. Great character. The storyline is awesome and the twist actually got me. Which I enjoyed immensely. I love a movie that can screw my perceptions, which are usually really good and on point.

Cons: It ... oddly enough, felt like it went by so fast. Lol. They could have added in another thirty minutes and you'd have never known!

Over-all: The fact that Jolie had her clothes on, makes me happy. I don't like to think of her as a slutty actress in her older years, but shit... if she's not naked, she doesn't sell as well. Lol. Depp is always great. The movie picked up a 9 / 10 on the Zenith scale, for twisting me up.

Secretariat -- 3 / 10

 I had posted this on Valucre.com -- but this is one of my most LOLreviews, so I felt compelled to blog it.

DISCLAIMER: Loads of cussing.

 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1028576/

Ha. Here's the extent of my displeasure: Story time!

So we're on the way to see a movie, that I didn't really want to see anyways, BUT -
1.) it was free
2.) it was to be a family thing.

Dad calls. He's not coming because there's "just not enough daylight anymore to get things done".
Sarah calls. She's not going to make it because she's out with Paula (bff) and they're dress shopping for Paula's soon-to-be wedding.
That leaves me, Heather, Beth, and Mom. =/ ...

Here's where you all get the slack-ass version of a boring movie because I physically cannot bring myself to actually post up a serious review.

Secretariat.

It's a movie about a fuckin' horse. The fuckin' horse stands fast at birth. And runs faster. Whoopdy-fuckin-do.
It's a Disney movie, also -- did I mention this? So you KNOW -- THE HORSE WILL WIN. 10 minutes into watching this.
If you knew NOTHING ELSE ABOUT THIS MOVIE AND THE FUCKIN' HORSE -- DISNEY DOESN'T DISAPPOINT. BAM. HORSE WINS.
FYI -- THIS ISN'T A SPOILER, IT'S RETARDED COMMON KNOWLEDGE TO PLEASE THE MASSES.
-- yes, yes -- it's a "true" story, still over-exaggerated like all Disney flicks.

So.

OMGFAMILYSTRUGGLE. DOES SHE CHOOSE THE HORSE OR THE FAMILY IN THE 60s?
NEITHER -- It's DISNEY. She fuckin wins it all. Takes the cake. The horse. The family. And the fuckin' movie.

There. I'm done.
If you wanna be bored for fuckin' 2 hours. Go see this movie.
Then -- you can kill yourself.

Rating: 3/10 - because the fuckin' horse was pretty. +3

-_- Fuck My Life.

Shrek Forever After -- 6 / 10

It's amazing what can be accomplished when you follow a script -- right, Meyers? It's no secret that Mike Meyers, while being a funny-man, has a bit of an issue with "ad-libbing" his scripts, which I [personally] tack to the failing fall of the Austin Powers series. The first was Lolerific and amazing, and down-hill from there. But we're not here to discuss that, we're here to discuss a ... hopefully ending trilogy quadilogy.

Honestly, I swear -- I just changed the title cause I thought this was shrek 3. LOL!

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0892791/

So. The movie was actually pretty funny, but I wouldn't go all out and scream it to the world. The first was still my favorite so far, and the second/third whichever-- sucked. I don't think I even saw the third one, lol. I don't remember, I don't know -- but I felt this movie was good enough to throw-down on a quick review.

Ha - my bad. I stopped to watch the Season of the Witch trailer, as you'll most likely get a review for this coming Friday, but that goes to show how much I really cared about this film, lol.

Synopsis: Rumpelstiltskin or however the hell it's spelled, is back at his trickery again and originally tried to magically deed the entire kingdom to himself, by blackmailing the king and queen of Ever After. Yadda, yadda - he tricks Shrek and then the adventure begins!

Pros: Uhm, I suppose the plus would have to be the funnies. The world is switched around and Witches and Rumpel now run things, which is full of lols, and now apparently there are more ogres? Yeah, I know - wtf. Shrek is suddenly not as special as he once was. Lol. Way to go, DreamFail. =/

Cons: Uhm ... it's like the 4th or 5th one now? And they're not getting any funnier. Lol. The first was the best.

Over-all: Netflix. And I've lowered the rating twice since I started writing this review. Lmfao... Don't let all the negativity fool you. It's a kids movie, and it's pretty amusing.

Tron Legacy -- 7.5 / 10

Before people go questioning my rating, I have to say that taking in all the factors and the true-fact that this movie is made by Disney, you can't expect to be totally satisfied. Now if Legendary Pictures or James Cameron got a hold of Tron: Legacy, I'm almost guaranteed the rating would have been higher and for a solid purpose, than this fluffy 7.5 I've given it.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1104001/

Well, let us begin! I have to start by saying Garret Hedlund and Olivia Wilde in the same film is worth at least a 6 / 10, and that's not suggesting that it's a porno, hahHAHhah! They really end up making the film excellent, and then the Daft Punk soundtrack, added to the graphics really send this movie up ... 1.5 points on the Zenith-scale of sexy.

Synopsis: The movie is about a man in the 80s, who's brilliant and creates this "game world" that turns out to be different than anything else before, but he vanishes. Gone. For twenty-some years, and suddenly, traces of him seem to be noted and the adventure for his son begins. To find his missing father.

Pros: The graphics are ... orgasmically gorgeous. The motorcycles. The jets. The world itself. It's a wonderful, and exciting adventure -- the world is beautiful. Olivia Wilde. She's beautiful. She's fun. And she can act. Sounds like my kinda woman! Lol. >_> @ -hides from his wife-

Cons: The Jeff Bridges graphical "Clu." REALLY, DISNEY?! A multi-f@#kin' BAZILLION dollar company, and you can't beat the graphics of Mass Effect or Final Fantasy XIV?! This is the SOLE reason, the movie wont make it above an 8.0 rating. Because of these cheap bastards and their fear of actually making a movie that might not have a happy ending.

The story was lacking, however - boy goes into world. Tries to save dad. Bad guy kicks some ass. You can't really develop a story around this... Lol.

Over-all: The movie was rated higher than it should be, because of great actors, because of beautiful graphics, and because the movie is awe-inspiring, however it left you wanting to see way more of the bikes and jets. Lol. Therefore, the 7.5 / 10 is deemed "fluffy."

True Grit -- 7.5 / 10

Merry Christmas, everyone! It's your lovely neighborhood Zenith again, here to drop you a line on some of the movies that have come up during the past week or so, and as promised -- I've got your reviews! =]

So, let us begin!

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1403865/

So, for those looking at this movie and going, 'Oh, no way -- you can't replace the Duke!' I have mixed feelings on that phrase. Let's be perfectly clear on one thing: I respect John Wayne for his bad-assery, however his acting skills were a little ... hnm ... sub-par? Lol. Sure, he could be a bad-ass and shoot shit, but this is the era where acting talent is taken into account, not just the story. (See the Crash of Narnia, if you want a clear understanding of what I'm talking about. Lol.)

Jeff Bridges did an excellent job, and the movie was supposed to be geared at the book, not as a remake to another movie. Seeing him in this film, after having seen Tron, or Iron Man -- you'd have a hard time believing it was the same guy -- and that's the acting talent. I feel he did a really good job, and the movie had great excitement and laughs at his expense, as well.

Synopsis: Well, basically -- this girl's father is killed in an unfair transaction (she feels), and goes to claim his body and hire on a gun to find or kill the man responsible. She's a little shit and a total spitfire with a tongue that delivers lashings all throughout the film in the most brutal of manners.

And the hunt begins!

Pros: The new girl, Haliee Steinfeld -- nearly stole the show, if not did. I've never seen her in anything before this, but as a phenomenal role completed, I'm sure we'll be seeing her in plenty of new movies to come. She's sharp and seems to gather up the and be the role, better than most "child actors."

Sadly, that's really the only Pro I can list. Maybe throw out a pseudo-Pro, that this the first western I've liked in a while, lol. Since 3:10 to Yuma. <3

>> Edit: There is another pro that I just thought of, lol. Barry Pepper. I love this guy. I don't know what it is, but his characters are always so on-point an intricate that he ALWAYS seems to fit his roles, and he has that face that just melds into the part. <3 Much love.

Cons: Some of you might hate me for this, and don't get me wrong, I like Matt Damon, but ... he was the worst part of this film for me. After fanboying over the Bourne Series, and even Green Zone, I kinda enjoyed. But man ... I love the guy, but he's just a terrible western-style character. Lol. I don't know what it was, but his Texan accent was off, his character was funny and amusing, but ... oyie. Made me wanna get bit by a rattlesnake...

Over-All: I wouldn't recommend it to be seen in theaters, personally -- but that's my bias talking. It was a very well-done movie, but just not ... meh. 7.5 / 10