Exile's Reviews! -Birdemic-

-OPENING-

What…the…****!?

-CAST-

· Alan Bagh as Rod

· Whitney Moore as Nathalie

· Adam Sessa as Ramsey

· Catherine Batcha as Becky

· Janae Caster as Susan

· Colton Osborne as Tony

· Rick Camp as Dr. Jones

· Stephen Gustavson as "Tree Hugger"

· Patsy van Ettinger as Nathalie's Mother

· Mona Lisa Moon as Mai

· Danny Webber as Rick

· Laura Cassidy as News Anchor

-STORY-

Where to begin? Where to begin? Oh dear god I truly can’t believe I’m actually reviewing this pile of ****! Birdemic is a horrible movie released in 2008 by James Nguyen this is a well it’s suppose to be a serious romantic/thriller/horror but unfortunately it’s not. This movie is just awful the basic plot of this movie is that Rod played by Alan Bagh who odds are thanks to this film I’ll never see his mug again runs into an old high school friend named Nathalie played by Whitney Moore who’s career is also dead thanks to this film. The two of them accidentally stumble into each other in a simple restaurant and immediately hit it off as a couple. That is as far as the romance plot goes…I am not kidding this movie is so terrible the romance aspect of the plot just makes you want to kill yourself. Now here comes the horror plot and by god it’s ****ing worse than the romance a herd of killer kamikaze exploding eagles have come to kill humanity because of global warming. Ok I’m going to stop here with the plot because I kid you not this is really as far as it goes it has no originality whatsoever. Do you want to know what the worse part of this movie is? IT’S A HUNDRED AND FIVE MINUTES OVER AN HOUR AND A ****ING HALF LONG! The only extra is to survive but even that plot is horribly done so it’s time to move on to the next part of this review.

-PRESENTATION-

Ok there’s no way to put this gently this is the most horrible ****ing movie I have ever had to watch and mind you I watched The Happening. The acting is so awful the actors constantly look at the camera when they’re not suppose to, they’re delayed when it comes to saying their lines, they break character for the whole ****ing film, and they actually have to think a couple times to remember what their lines are. Unfortunately the problems don’t end there oh no that would be too much of a blessing it simply gets worse! This movie is quite literally a cluster**** the very opening of the film is simply Rod driving in his car for the whole opening credits. It’s literally over five minutes. FIVE ****ING MINUTES OF HIM DRIVING HIS ****ING CAR! Things get worse the sound is horrible sometimes there is no background noise and you can hear the actor’s just fine and sometimes the background noise overwhelms everything else. The sound also tends to cut out in odd places too during beginning of certain scenes and at the end of most of them. When the birds attack it gets even worse because I’ve seen the special effects from movies made during the 70’s look better. The birds don’t really even fly when they attack they simply hover in one spot and they don’t even attack yet the actors act as if they’re being attacked. It gets worse the sound effects are horrible guns sound like toys, the eagles sound more like seagulls, and any other sound effect added sounds like something from an Atari game hell even Atari had better sound effects.

The things the characters do are horrible and the lines are just ****ing stupid. For instance there’s a scene when they escaped the killer kamikaze exploding eagles where literally they see two cars on the side of the road mind you when this is said they couldn’t see ANYTHING! This is actually the ****ing line you can look this up on Youtube or wherever you can find this if you don’t believe me. ‘Hey there are some dead people on the side of the road let’s see if there are survivors.’ How does that make any ****ing sense oh but it gets even better it just keeps getting better after they survived any birds attack and rescue two children one who hid in the trunk of a car and one who hid under it this is what happens. They get hungry and stop at a convenience store to get some food after that instead of eating safely in the car THEY GO OUTSIDE TO EAT AT A PICNIC AREA!

Look I think you all get the point so I’m moving to the best part of this Review the closing section.

-CLOSING-

THIS MOVIE IS ****ING **** I HOPE IT BURNS IN HELL!!! I will admit this movie sucks but when I did see the birds I started laughing hysterically. I dare anyone who has seen this film to not laugh when they see the birds for the first time. Ok now that I got that out of my system I’m going to tell you the best and worst part of the movie.

Best Part: Seeing the credits finally arrive.

Worst part: Everything before the credits.

-Exile-